Bad Things In Disney Movies

Cars 2 Is #1 At Box Office This Past Weekend

Will follow that all the way. It would be a nice way to kick off a new decade with high hopes of more Pixar success stories like this one. I have a feeling that Pixar will not let this amazing milestone go to waste either.

I am pleased as pie about this news. I think we were all a little nervous about this one, since any sequel to a huge movie can mess things up. However, it does seem to be off on a good start.

Culture Warrior: 10 Disney Movies That Tried to Destroy America ...

, It’s just a harmless little kids movie.” Well, it’s destroying America with it’s anti-oil message , indoctrinating our children to become Prius-buying, David Simon-worshipping tree huggers so the late-term-aborting hippie liberals at Pixar can do their part in carrying out Hollywood’s takeover of family values.

You’re probably thinking, “But Landon, children typically don’t understand subtext. And when children grow up in a free democratic society such as ours they often question for themselves the values and ideas they were exposed to as children and eventually adopt a perspective that makes the most sense to them, thus making your use of ‘indoctrination’ hyperbolic and short-sighted. Anyway, even if they did understand what Pixar was doing, children don’t give a ratatouille’s ass about politics, the free market, offshore drilling, or our over-reliance on fossil fuels. They just want to watch a movie about talking cars. Also, being a child of the late 80s/early 90s, you grow up with a lot of environmentally-aware children’s entertainment like Jim Henson’s TV show Dinosaurs . Blerf, wake me up when it’s over! What’s wrong, Walt? No room for Johnny Cash, or did you spill your arugula and Earl Grey tea all over the drawing/rolling papers that made up that segment? Be careful. If you watch this movie you might walk into traffic because your nose will be pointed so high in the air. That, or you’ll get syphilis.

Exhibit B: Gun Control

Case in Point: Bambi (1942)

Oh poor little Bambi deer. I guess your mom wouldn’t have died if the government just took away all our guns, amiright? Well, you’re forgetting one minor detail my friend: if your mom had bought a gun, as it is her Constitutional right, she could’ve protected herself and you’d still have a mom. Just one semiautomatic clip coming from the other direction and BLAM, movie over! I know what you’re thinking, “Landon, first of all, deer don’t have thumbs, but more importantly—“ aaaand let me just interrupt you right there. Bambi’s mom was probably in season, which means deer were overpopulating that area, so her death was actually in the best interest of the ecosystem. And if Bambi’s mom didn’t die, Bambi wouldn’t have had the chance to hang out with her multicultural forest friends. You’re welcome, Bambi.